Change
Why is change so hard? I've changed so much in my life. As I get older, I see more and more change each year. Growing in different topics and finding new interests so why is it so hard to see your kids change from phase to phase? Logically, I know kids grow up and find new interests but emotionally its hard because all the time in the world would never be enough time with them and seeing them grow just sometimes reminds me that time never stops.
I think about our conversations with our kids and realize how grown up they have become. How did that happen so fast? Feeling for the longest time of being in a mom world where I had a little older kids and still younger kids. Still bathtub toys on the ledge of the tub even though they're rarely used. Toys in a bucket that seemed right to leave them there.. just in case someone wanted to play with them one last time.
Motherhood has made me so strong and so fragile all at the same time.
Last week, Penny decided she was done with her toys. Her barbies and babies. I knew this day would come. I tried to convince her to just leave them in the toy buckets.. just incase. She was adamant. She had grown past them and I never knew how much my mom heart would ach becuse of it. I packed up the barbies first. They seemed like the easiest for me. She liked them but they were never her go-to make belief choice.
But her baby dolls.... my heart nearly shattered into a million pieces. Each one of these dolls carries a piece of her heart. They were once her baby. I was "babysitting" daily when she went to school. She changed them, bathed them, even nursed them. She had boys and girls and different races and loved them all equally. Her baby doll "Maverick" came everywhere with us. He was her most loved. Watching her love her dollies healed my own child heart so much. It was just such a lovely slice of life I got to witness her have.
We have three bins in our storage. One of her babies, one of barbies and one for American Girl Dolls. These bins we will keep and pull them back out when she has children of her own. Who knows if they will want to even play with them but for now, I could not even imagine getting rid of them for good.
Penny lost another tooth last week too (one with a crazy cavity on the side of it!). Just another reminder of the escape of time. I took her photo, as I always do, and when I look back on it she really does look so grown up.
She is changing at the fastest rate and I can hardly keep up. She went from baby dolls to makeup over night it felt like. Penny, use those wings and grow and know that as hard as it may be for me, I'll be so proud watching you fly.
Motherhood is filled with constant grief and constant joy. It is so much anticipation and so much letting go. It is the best thing I have ever done with my life and although I'll give you all the strength I have to make you wings, I will cry when you use them. You three are the best part of me.
I think about our conversations with our kids and realize how grown up they have become. How did that happen so fast? Feeling for the longest time of being in a mom world where I had a little older kids and still younger kids. Still bathtub toys on the ledge of the tub even though they're rarely used. Toys in a bucket that seemed right to leave them there.. just in case someone wanted to play with them one last time.
Motherhood has made me so strong and so fragile all at the same time.
Last week, Penny decided she was done with her toys. Her barbies and babies. I knew this day would come. I tried to convince her to just leave them in the toy buckets.. just incase. She was adamant. She had grown past them and I never knew how much my mom heart would ach becuse of it. I packed up the barbies first. They seemed like the easiest for me. She liked them but they were never her go-to make belief choice.