New.
Well, it is officially 2022 and im grateful for the new year that is ahead and although I don't know what it will hold, I know it will be another year to continue to shape me into the person I am designed to be. We started this year off with school being delayed for an additional week (hopefully its just one week). Still the culprite for all the uncertainty is Covid. I am so done with it. It is exhausting being a mom (a dad.. a human!) during covid. Things can change so quickly and its hard to ignore when you're constantly surrounded my negative media but I am trying.
Despite the worldly negative influences around me, I want to start my New Years off being truly grateful for the 4 people in my life who I could not live without.
Dear Penny,
You my dear, you are the light of my everyday. You are chatty and use your imagination to play and to create and craft and it is so fun to witness.
You have the sweetest spirit. You are always reminding us to pray before we eat and listeing to you say your goodnight prayers makes my heart swell to listen to your genuine pleas to your Heavenly Father. Penny, you are blossoming into such a wonderful young girl and although I want to freeze time and keep you little, I am also excited to do your makeup and hair for your first youth dance or date. I am excited to hold you so tight when the world doesn't treat you fair and to watch your confidence bloom into an unstoppable force. You are so special to me. I love you so much, Penny.
Dear Bentley,
To this day, you are still our most cuddly child. You love being snuggled in tight and I love it too. You have the softest skin and can calm my nerves, every time. Bentley, you are truly so special. We joke about being "the middle child" and share so many laughs but I hope you know that you are such a key part of this family. I couldn't live without you. You have such a sweet personality that fills any room you're in. You're always willing to help your big brother or your little sister and you are such a good example of being honest in your dealings. You always tell us the truth, even when you know you'd be in trouble. That is such a good trait to have and I hope you keep it all of your life.
I hope you always know how much you are loved and respected. I am nowhere near the perfect parent but you, my sweet boy, make me want to try to be better every day. Love you so much, Bentley.
Dear Carter,
There is some undeniable bond that you and I have, Carter. You are so much like your Dad. Your personality, your adventurous side, the way your mind works, your determination when you want to figure something out, all of it reminds me so much of your Dad. I hope you know how much you mean to us. Your presence in our home floods these rooms with love and laughter. You make the best jokes and I love when we can be crazy or silly together. I love your sweet genuine calm hugs so much. There is somehting so unique and calming about your hugs and I cherish every single one of them. Carter, please remember how much you are needed and loved. We couldn't live a day without you. You really do make this world a better place. I love you so much, Carter.
Dear Brian,
Look at those beautiful kids that we get to call our own. Look at those smiles and dimples and beautiful eyes. I love this life that we have created but I couldn't have created it with anyone else. You my love, are my soul mate, my forever best friend and my genuine partner for eternity. I love you more than you know. I cherish the relationship we have and couldn't imagine putting my energy into anything more important. I love spending all of my time with you. I look forward to snuggling up every night in bed relaxing and decompressing. You are my safe place, Brian. When the world is grey and cloudy and its hard to focus you are the one who centers me, just by being around.
I would give my life for you. You really do mean everything to me. I love you so much Brian.
As for myself, this new year I did make a resolution. It's going to be a challenging one so I've only made one. This year I want to focus on my mental health. I know I likely can't heal it but I can try to help process it better. I am just going to say "no" when I need to, without making excuses or giving reasons. I'm going to set boundaries that protect me. Im going to read and read and READ MORE and try to learn as much as I can about mental health so I can better help myself. I want to take some time and focus on my own health so I can genuingly just be happy.
I know that this starts with me. I know this about myself. Sometimes I need a hug and sometimes I need space to just process and feel it. Sometimes it just needs to run its course but I am going to give it my all and try my very best to just be honest with the ones I love the most this year so I can be the best version of myself that I have missed so much.
So, cheers to a new years! New beginnings. New resolutions, even if they only last a small moment of this year, I hope they make you the best version of yourself.
Despite the worldly negative influences around me, I want to start my New Years off being truly grateful for the 4 people in my life who I could not live without.
Dear Penny,
You my dear, you are the light of my everyday. You are chatty and use your imagination to play and to create and craft and it is so fun to witness.
You have the sweetest spirit. You are always reminding us to pray before we eat and listeing to you say your goodnight prayers makes my heart swell to listen to your genuine pleas to your Heavenly Father. Penny, you are blossoming into such a wonderful young girl and although I want to freeze time and keep you little, I am also excited to do your makeup and hair for your first youth dance or date. I am excited to hold you so tight when the world doesn't treat you fair and to watch your confidence bloom into an unstoppable force. You are so special to me. I love you so much, Penny.
To this day, you are still our most cuddly child. You love being snuggled in tight and I love it too. You have the softest skin and can calm my nerves, every time. Bentley, you are truly so special. We joke about being "the middle child" and share so many laughs but I hope you know that you are such a key part of this family. I couldn't live without you. You have such a sweet personality that fills any room you're in. You're always willing to help your big brother or your little sister and you are such a good example of being honest in your dealings. You always tell us the truth, even when you know you'd be in trouble. That is such a good trait to have and I hope you keep it all of your life.
I hope you always know how much you are loved and respected. I am nowhere near the perfect parent but you, my sweet boy, make me want to try to be better every day. Love you so much, Bentley.
There is some undeniable bond that you and I have, Carter. You are so much like your Dad. Your personality, your adventurous side, the way your mind works, your determination when you want to figure something out, all of it reminds me so much of your Dad. I hope you know how much you mean to us. Your presence in our home floods these rooms with love and laughter. You make the best jokes and I love when we can be crazy or silly together. I love your sweet genuine calm hugs so much. There is somehting so unique and calming about your hugs and I cherish every single one of them. Carter, please remember how much you are needed and loved. We couldn't live a day without you. You really do make this world a better place. I love you so much, Carter.
Look at those beautiful kids that we get to call our own. Look at those smiles and dimples and beautiful eyes. I love this life that we have created but I couldn't have created it with anyone else. You my love, are my soul mate, my forever best friend and my genuine partner for eternity. I love you more than you know. I cherish the relationship we have and couldn't imagine putting my energy into anything more important. I love spending all of my time with you. I look forward to snuggling up every night in bed relaxing and decompressing. You are my safe place, Brian. When the world is grey and cloudy and its hard to focus you are the one who centers me, just by being around.
I would give my life for you. You really do mean everything to me. I love you so much Brian.
I know that this starts with me. I know this about myself. Sometimes I need a hug and sometimes I need space to just process and feel it. Sometimes it just needs to run its course but I am going to give it my all and try my very best to just be honest with the ones I love the most this year so I can be the best version of myself that I have missed so much.