Anxiety. Dealing with it.
This is me. I am a Wife, a Mother of two and I am human. I have an incredible life. I have a husband who truly loves me inside out, friends who don't judge me, children who I am completely in love with and I also have struggles. I have bad days... really bad days.. sad days, days that I wish never happened and I have Anxiety.
I have never had anxiety in my life until I had Bentley. I didn't know why it was happening, what it was, or how to stop it. I felt defeated. Angry. Sad that I had no control of it. It was the first time in my life I had no control of feeling Anxious. I would be totally happy.. no worries in the world.. then it would just hit me like a ton of bricks. My heart starts racing, I cant breath, my emotions completely take over my body.. I have NO control.. that scares me. Sometimes it would happen for a longer period of time and it would make me cry... but when I was crying I could NEVER tell you why if you asked... there was no reason other than "Im just feeling Anxious".
At Bentley's two month shots I took my postpartum test... I passed it... I also lied on it. Right before the nurse gave it to me she said.. if you suffer from Postpartum depression, we will send you to a group to get it sorted it. WEll.. the last thing I wanted was to sit in a group with other people in depression! If I had depression, I wanted some one-on-one attention to get it sorted out! So when the question of "do you ever feel anxious" came along I answered.. No.
Was this wrong? Maybe. Do I regret it? No. I could admit it.. I knew something was up.. i was NOT in denial of it. This may not be the right answer for everyone, but I know my body and I was determined to fix the issue.
I never once have felt like hurting my children or myself.. that just seems silly to me. My Anxiety has nothing to do with my children. It happened wherever.. whenever! Not just when my little ones are around.
I tried to ignore it at first.. but it almost made it worse. I needed help. And who came to my rescue? The man who always does.. he knows me better than I know myself. Brian. He never once lost his patience with me. If he was home while I was having anxiety, he would take both boys upstairs and play quietly until it was over. He would come give me a hug, a kiss on my forehead and tell me how much he loves, what a good Mother I am and that he is always here for me.
One night, about a month ago, I totally fell apart. I was having a harder day... a busy day.. and I just wanted to be home. Brian's mom & Dad were supposed to come hang out that night... we had to call and cancel. I was an emotional disaster. I tried to pull myself together but I couldn't. It was out of my control. Brian stayed up late that night.. researching how to help me.. or what could we try to do to fix it. He found out that after having a baby Anxiety is really quite normal. If you are nursing your baby (which I am), once baby hits 3 months, 6 months, 9 months.. etc.. there mouths are bigger and there suckle patterns can change which can cause Anxiety. Interesting. He also learned that a lot (not all) of Anxiety can be cured by taking vitamin B supplements. Lack of Vitamin B can cause anxiety and Depression. So he went and got me a Vitamin B+C complex with Iron and Vitamin E. I take it everyday. The change was almost instant. I am almost positive my anxiety is linked to nursing, but I am not quite ready to give that up just yet. I still feel anxious sometimes.. here and there... but its not nearly as bad as it was and I feel like I can control it a little more.
Thank you Brian.
I have learned so much from having Anxiety. I was really taking my days for granted ... without even knowing it. I have also learned to STOP comparing my inside to everyone else's outside. Meaning, I only see what people show me.. it's easy to put on a smile and look like your really put together but inside you could be crumbling.. so stop comparing what your raw feelings are inside to what you think you know about someones else's life... you never know what they could be dealing with. I've always tried not to judge others, but I now have a more profound understanding of how important it is not to judge others.
I am thankful for this Anxiety. Sure, when it happened, I wish it were gone, I feel like I cant take it anymore, but it really has taught me well. It has made me understand just how much Brian loves me. He has always said he would do anything for me. He is truly my life saver!
I am human. I have good days, I have bad days. I am a Wife, a mother of two and a girl suffering from Anxiety. Taking it a day at a time and still enjoying all the small things that make life so grand. This is me.
I have never had anxiety in my life until I had Bentley. I didn't know why it was happening, what it was, or how to stop it. I felt defeated. Angry. Sad that I had no control of it. It was the first time in my life I had no control of feeling Anxious. I would be totally happy.. no worries in the world.. then it would just hit me like a ton of bricks. My heart starts racing, I cant breath, my emotions completely take over my body.. I have NO control.. that scares me. Sometimes it would happen for a longer period of time and it would make me cry... but when I was crying I could NEVER tell you why if you asked... there was no reason other than "Im just feeling Anxious".
At Bentley's two month shots I took my postpartum test... I passed it... I also lied on it. Right before the nurse gave it to me she said.. if you suffer from Postpartum depression, we will send you to a group to get it sorted it. WEll.. the last thing I wanted was to sit in a group with other people in depression! If I had depression, I wanted some one-on-one attention to get it sorted out! So when the question of "do you ever feel anxious" came along I answered.. No.
Was this wrong? Maybe. Do I regret it? No. I could admit it.. I knew something was up.. i was NOT in denial of it. This may not be the right answer for everyone, but I know my body and I was determined to fix the issue.
I never once have felt like hurting my children or myself.. that just seems silly to me. My Anxiety has nothing to do with my children. It happened wherever.. whenever! Not just when my little ones are around.
I tried to ignore it at first.. but it almost made it worse. I needed help. And who came to my rescue? The man who always does.. he knows me better than I know myself. Brian. He never once lost his patience with me. If he was home while I was having anxiety, he would take both boys upstairs and play quietly until it was over. He would come give me a hug, a kiss on my forehead and tell me how much he loves, what a good Mother I am and that he is always here for me.
One night, about a month ago, I totally fell apart. I was having a harder day... a busy day.. and I just wanted to be home. Brian's mom & Dad were supposed to come hang out that night... we had to call and cancel. I was an emotional disaster. I tried to pull myself together but I couldn't. It was out of my control. Brian stayed up late that night.. researching how to help me.. or what could we try to do to fix it. He found out that after having a baby Anxiety is really quite normal. If you are nursing your baby (which I am), once baby hits 3 months, 6 months, 9 months.. etc.. there mouths are bigger and there suckle patterns can change which can cause Anxiety. Interesting. He also learned that a lot (not all) of Anxiety can be cured by taking vitamin B supplements. Lack of Vitamin B can cause anxiety and Depression. So he went and got me a Vitamin B+C complex with Iron and Vitamin E. I take it everyday. The change was almost instant. I am almost positive my anxiety is linked to nursing, but I am not quite ready to give that up just yet. I still feel anxious sometimes.. here and there... but its not nearly as bad as it was and I feel like I can control it a little more.
Thank you Brian.
I have learned so much from having Anxiety. I was really taking my days for granted ... without even knowing it. I have also learned to STOP comparing my inside to everyone else's outside. Meaning, I only see what people show me.. it's easy to put on a smile and look like your really put together but inside you could be crumbling.. so stop comparing what your raw feelings are inside to what you think you know about someones else's life... you never know what they could be dealing with. I've always tried not to judge others, but I now have a more profound understanding of how important it is not to judge others.
I am thankful for this Anxiety. Sure, when it happened, I wish it were gone, I feel like I cant take it anymore, but it really has taught me well. It has made me understand just how much Brian loves me. He has always said he would do anything for me. He is truly my life saver!
I am human. I have good days, I have bad days. I am a Wife, a mother of two and a girl suffering from Anxiety. Taking it a day at a time and still enjoying all the small things that make life so grand. This is me.
